found an unmarked box of photos in the garage, they were from when my parents first got together. It was fun laughing at their ridiculous eighties outfits and hairstyles, until I found a pic of my dad. naked. with a boner.
Also I am about to cut a ringtone from "Sex Machine" so James Brown can tell me to "get up, get on up" in the morning
I once woke up to the scream from 'get up offa that thing' and smacked my head on my desk
His birthday is on fathers day. I know its a cruel coincedence but this is too funny to pass up.
I took both his daughters virginities. There's no way he won't give me a job
thanks for being my moral compass. and thanks for not always pointing north so i can be slutty and not feel bad about it.
THE BIG GAY MAD HATTER IS HERE AND HE HAS DRUGS IN HIS PANTS FOR YOU. COME DOWNSTAIRS BITCHEZZZZ
You have all of her herpes and none of my sympathy
Yeah. I don't think I have anything left in me tho. I think I was throwing up tangible memories at one point.
A lot of things don't look good... It doesn't look good for a lifeguard to be smoking a cig and drinking from a conspicuous cup... But hey I'm doin it
You are so predictable. I am willing to bet 20$ that instead of going out you are sitting on your couch, stoned, watching Seinfield re-runs and eating cheezits.
1. they're goldfish. 2 fuck you
I just had sex with the male version of myself. looks, mindset, even our boob to dick ratio was the same
we're like the harlem globetrotters of underage drinking
I finished masturbating now I'm eating french toast crunch. What is life, and what are friends.
At least your nickname is not Plunge Slut and that nickname is not in a published thesis work
Santi's no longer allowed to buy booze in my lane. Last thing I need is a midlife crisis looking at his Id again.
Randomize
