dude i just heard a girl tell another girl 'what part of im trying to get laid tonight dont u understand?'
needless to say i wont be back home tonight
I woke up at 1pm, looked in the mirror and fist pumped...I might still be drunk
I love college. Only here at ten in the morning can you hear "Man, hot sauce on my pussy was my worst idea in a long time." while walking down the hall.
what's an appropriate "I'm fucking your grandson but I'm trying to hide it" outfit?
Her boyfriend was hitting on other girls while drunk. But, she said she was okay with it because she is a feminist and she supports all women's decisions.
Sometimes I look at the people in school that are obviously very diligent and on top of their studies, and then I wonder why they don't smoke weed.
he was extremely fucked up- he thought my sports bra was his boxers. even when his leg wouldnt fit. at least whiskey dick wasnt a problem
Also, I'm going to yoga because I have a Taylor Swift range of emotions right now.
Just thought you should know I'm having a reunion tour of Athens this weekend. Minus the weird guy I was fucking last time.
As a gentleman, I asked her if she was sure and she just whispered "wreck me" in my ear. I took that as a green light.
Also I owe you 20 bucks, a clean towel and a glass of scotch. I'll even throw in a blow job
On a side note...my DUI lawyer just snapchatted me. This is the exact moment in time when I realized my like IS a joke.
He fell asleep cradling my ass and every time I moved he adjusted his hand accordingly. I've found the one.
Hey also tomorrow casually bring up wearing crocs to your sister's wedding
If I look at him, he starts sobbing. Please come get him; he's scaring the cats.
Randomize
