We all just poured out a sip of our drinks for you. One for our pussy whipped homie.
I just told you I can't. My fingers are melting. I have discovered the high.
I miss you more than I would miss junk food if I went on a diet. And you've seen me eat, you know how desperate I'd be.
Looks like breakfast in bed is out the window. She can't get up because I "fucked her into paralysis." My stomach is not happy with my dick right now
I think she finds the idea of a naked fat man lying on the table and holding our butter offensive
Well I mean he is in a slightly seductive pose
yeah...that's gonna come up in court
I must be the strongest person who ever managed to get knocked down by a pug.
I'm hoping you were seen by someone holding a frozen turkey at 230 in the morning
If you can't drink with the big boys, give up your beer and go back to the playpen
If someone plays phil collins i'm gonna take off my clothes
There is a dude riding on one of those standing wheel things inside forever 21. Calm down.
He wanted to save my dignity, I just wanted beads and jäger
I need to go home for the safety of everyone in a 10 mile radius, especially me
Plus you need some new dick in your life, the environment is fucked enough you don’t have to recycle anymore 😂💀
hot take: drunk me can walk through walls?
Randomize
