maybe we dont have boyfriends because we dont have tans
The bong broke. we're having a little funeral followed by an inaugeration service for the new one
can I come stay the night
yeah, but no sex tonight
I'll stay home
I'm gonna vom. In the dentist chair. Who makes a dentist appt for July fucking 5th.
Thought I woke up to a girl giving me a handy. It was a male nurse inserting a catheter.
I mean, how many people can say they helped surgically remove something from their body? Other than the guy that got his hand stuck under a rock and cut it off. Doesn't count
He did not appreciate the "you did reuse the diamond" comment when looking at his new fiance's ring.
Go big or go home. Or get a live in house boy you met 7 years ago and feel like you have unfullfilled potential. You know, the usual
You Just stopped dancing, looked at me and said "I'm gonna make it rain" Then shook the open box of crunch berries everywhere.
I heard you coughing. Are you choking or smoking? And are you okay?
Id prob hit it, but i instagram edited her picture to make her look better. Ha. She should fuck me just for that.
Yeah, he hid all the toilet paper and took a video of me looking for it before I shit my pants. Definitely playing that clip at our wedding.
I found a 9 minute video on my phone of you singing into an eggplant.
thanks for supporting my whoreish tendencies
everytime he speaks i want to fuck him less. i just wanna tell him to shut up and take his pants off and we could both be happy.
Randomize
