I want the hot one, scratch that. anyone.
I'm to the point in my high that every song eventually turns into Lady Gaga
I don't get why Lindsay Lohan doesn't just blame her bad behavior on her twin sister from the Parent Trap. I mean nobodys seen her since.
It's official. Every single female in their late teens and early 20s get their fb statuses from a pool of cliched "quotes" which all say, without saying, "boys treat me like shit, I know they do, but one day I'll find 'the guy' who will treat me right no matter how psychotic I am." Vom.
Oh god. It's my first day here, I'm still drunk and somebody just drifted in a forklift. I'm going to die.
I think I just tested my sobriety limits for unicycling.
scratched cornea got me an eyepatch and a blowjob from a girl with a thing for pirates
I want what they have, but in the meantime I have a whole bottle of rum to which I'm quite devoted
When you mimic motorboating Jennifer Love Hewitt, is it really that hard to understand why no one thinks you're straight?
started my period, we have to try again next week
if we have anymore sex before that my dick is gonna fall off. that is in no way a complaint
I'm trying to seductively eat these M&M's to let her know its on
FRIENDS DON'T LET FRIENDS WASTE THE LAST ADDERALL.
My philosophy is thug life and that means never having to say your sorry for stealing drinks off tables
The only time we had a decent conversation was when he was on acid, and, like, that's not a great start to a relationship.
You tore a poster off a lamppost and ATE IT. That drunk.
Randomize
