you were definitelymotorboating random chicks as they walked out of the bar. just like, down the line. you kept yelling "Motor Boats for everyone!!!!"
Your sister thinks she pees out of her clit. Did you have Sex Ed or Sunday School growing up?
note to self... there IS such a thing as having too many birthday shots...
I think it is impossible 2 take a person seriously when their last name is Pancake
Paying 5 grand for boobs is saving me like 10 grand in weed
we didnt even have break up sex...
you had it for us with someone else...
Are we sharing a room, or can I pack my vibrator?
Yes to both. We'll use the workout rotation from dorm life.
GOD DAMMIT TARYN WHY DO WE ALWAYS HAVE TO ROB PLACES IN OUR FUTURE PLANS?!
BRING KITTENS I AM A GENIUS
I'm going to book club and then I'm going to get laid. Being in your 20s ain't so bad sometimes.
Sex and bbq. He sure knows how to make a girl feel special
I did a line of coke with my ex tonight. Talk about memories
i can eat my weight in tater tots. don't test me, bitch
She left a cookie cake on my porch, and the frosting reads "I'm sorry". She left me an I'm-sorry-for-punching-you-in-the-face cake.
it looks like a nuclear can of fuck blew up in here
Randomize
