The best part was that when i tried to chase her she ran off in one of those barbie motorized jeeps that little kids use and i chased her on a big wheel, thru lincoln terrace
All I need in life is some dick and a big mac.
the outcome of this sandwich determines whether or not i do anything else with my day..
I found her sleepin on the side of the house in the rocks. so i woke her up and yelled at her and she would only come inside if i let her sleep in the bathroom.
don't you dare blame getting arrested on me. you sugested we play the penis game and we all know I'm a strong competitor
Now he's crying and asking for 'the cameras' to come out. The one cop is laughing
I need to be more functional. That doesn't mean I'm going to drink less, I just need to wake up and shit
Notice how both of our plans for hooking up with these guys involve getting them drunk?
Oh my God, we're like men but with great boobs.
I don't remember much and some girl almost convinced me to jump off the bridge while she held my stuff...
I'm gonna eat you out. But for science
I have no inclination to even want to think about what God's existential meltdown is going to be like. O.o
I have 13 missed calls from when I slept outside on some rocks
STOP BUYING ALADDIN PANTS WITH MY AMAZON CREDIT CARD
Did I see you at the bar last night?
Yes. You just kept grabbing my boobs and saying how much better they are than yours...
Idk if my headache is from the alcohol, the pot brownies, or being dragged down 8 flights of stairs by my ankles because i passed out in the 12th floor girls bathroom by you. Probably a combo of all three.
Randomize
