I'm so drunk I cant read cursive anymore.
just saw the guy i hooked up with last nights' face on a billboard. win.
We lost track of him for only 10 min and he gets kicked out for sneaking into the kitchen and trying to operate the deep fryer.
Champagne is a vitamin, right?
She showed up to the party with a live octopus and a 30 pack that was already half gone
My mouth feels like I've been chewing on leather and firecrackers for the past 3 days
and i think wearing the clothes from last night are out of the question...was there mud wrestling there? because i look like a participated..with a cat.
Why is it that when I sustain a serious injury people are more concerned with my level of inebriation than my personal safety?
I'm afraid I might run into that fat chick that sucked on me in the hospital parking lot while her friend cried in the car next to us, but I may be willing to take that chance.
I'm about to take my 7th shot and I have to to go to dinner with my grandma in an half hour. What is my life.
This whole pope visit thing is ruining me having sex.
Girl you're stalking so hard you're gonna know both their social security numbers soon
I just hooked up with the German exchange student who doesn't speak English. And you said I have no talent.
I'm going to draw something on my chest and I need to incorporate my nipples. Any ideas?
Nothing like having a family watch you dry heave at the end of the dock
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