i just keep taking vicodin and supergluing random shit
After you took the handle off the bathroom door I had to coach the Scottish guy sitting on the toilet, throwing up in his own lap, how to put his pants back on. Yes, I think he won the drinking game.
new rule: i'm not touching his penis until he takes me out to dinner.
you know, if you actually abided by that rule there would be many more successful restauranteurs in ohio.
You're going to have to buy me a lot of drinks before the bee suit goes on...
She just looked down there and said "i breed horses. this is better than anything ive ever seen."
You look me right in the eyes and yelled "By the power of the superglue beer sword, I designate you my driver!" I almost felt honored.
I am drunk. Riding an elevator. You can smell the beer. Doctor on with me just smiling at me... He agrees, fuck cancer.
i ate a whole tub of butter with my hands last night. don't tell me about rock bottom
You asked me what the point was. Told me your were dying alone and then had me take you and Wendy's where you bought 3 meals and ate them in about 10 minutes saying you didn't care if you got fat...
When you put the phrases "just out of shower" and "did you get the picture" that close together, a picture of hamburger helper is not exactly what I expected to pop up.
we're like the harlem globetrotters of underage drinking
I hurt myself, but I'm pretty sure I saved the carpet.
YOU LEFT MY FUCKING BRA OUTSIDE OF YOUR HOUSE AND NEVER TEXTED ME.
It's 4am & this guy is asleep with his junk still inside me..really rethinking my life
I thought I came here to hook up, not for a Study Abroad 101 session
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