She made me go with her to get a pregnancy test since she's missed a few birth control pills. She made me park in the "expectant mothers" spot at CVS and preceded to ask if it would be in the pest control section.
This is the guy who showed up to the first day of class with a 24 pack of coke and a handle of rum in his backpack. He doesnt play by normal people rules.
That's fun. I just masturbated and I swear my vagina creaked.
Never again. I promise. My old gay body can't handle that much adrenaline twice.
I'm ready to take a few years of my life this weekend
Its like I've been given a sexual blank check.
If Boring and Monotone had a love child, it would be this guy.
There's always a silver lining when massive voluptuous tits are involved
It's all fun and games until you rupture a testicle
Oh, and let me go get some popcorn, watching you make your own decisions should be quite the shitshow.
Look, I've got a really big car. We just need to put ourselves in it and put some body parts in other body parts.
I'm pretty sure even the managers want me to show up hungover my last day, it would be negligent and disrespectful to do otherwise
Dude, some chick came over here earlier and thought my lube was hand sanitizer. She poured it all over her hands.
I like to make sure they know it's casual by giving then a high five after sex
Apparently i disappeared and no one found me until the morning , but i have fifty missed calls
Randomize
