He's telling me stories about how he made out with a 14 yr old when he was 22. I'm going home.
If I can't get a one-legged man to love me, what the hell chance do I have with a NORMAL guy???
he stopped making out with me and said "can I make you grilled cheese? I feel like I owe YOU something"
He's been grabbing my ass as a greeting since 2004, sex was overdue
Woke up in my own bed with a "New Years Eve 2011" bar bracelet on. Both of these things confuse me.
My prof gave me extra credit for drawing a ninja on my paper and writing "ninja will up my grade"
My plan to masturbate 34 times on my 34th birthday backfired. Do you still have those crutches?
So I got lost trying to find you guys and ended up proposing to a bride in a bachelorette party with a condom.
I just bought us acid. I'm like the drug tooth fairy. Get ready to wake up with a sweattart of acid under your pillow.
ok, i suppose pissing your pants could be considered a wardrobe malfunction.
YOU DESERVE A GUY WITH A NORMAL DICK DONT SETTLE FOR ANYTHING LESS
If drinking had a "new high score" I think I hit it this weekend.
Waxing your own asshole is awkward and difficult at best.
Is it sad to eat a candy bra by yourself?
At one point she put on my dads pants and yelled after him EMILIOOOO! Dude, my dads name is Mark.
Randomize
