Dude, I'm so high in the forest and I think I'm in a bear den.
The funny thing is... I'm about to go to the store to buy WD-40 and condoms... That's it.
And before you ask they are unrelated purchases.
Most guys don't get turned on by "skinny, gangly legged girl with glasses laying in bed touching herself." You better start working on your diction if you're gonna keep up the sexting.
I have no idea what happened last night, but you're the only person I remember smashing my face into. Be honored.
I was still in a towel. We hadn't even started drinking yet and the champagne bottle dropped and exploded literally up into my vagina.
I am listening to lecture and I can hear us in the background talking about anal beads.
I just remembered that I did shots out of a gay mans crotch. And there's someone saved in my phone as "Miranda knows where my car is"
i'd say i'm about at weeping-uncontrollably-in-a-puddle-of-my-own-tears-and-urine level
Yeah i'd say someone being in the room while you're doing someone makes them eligible for fb friendship
We were fucking and his phone rang and it was his grandma. He just had a conversation with his grandma while fucking me from behind. Then his dad called and asked him what he wanted from taco bell.
But I'm currently thinking of all my bad decision making last night and giving myself a time out.
If I get really high and watch Beauty and The Beast on our Netflx account, will you judge me?
Only if you start before I get home!
you know it was a good night when you wake up with a medal around your neck
You ran the halls of the dorm naked handing out condoms. You were the sex fairy. Best you can do if you're not getting laid.
the coup got in the way of sex but inauguration day came thru we did it joe
Randomize
