OMg patrick swayze is the sexuest man he is killing me I'm gonna get dehydrated if I don't stop looking at him
No, I was feeling sad because all of the other girls were like model-skinny. But then I remembered that I had big boobs and went to hit on their boyfriends.
hickory dickory dock, please dont tell me about your cock
WISH UPON A TAMPON
They constantly get farther than me.
tampons.
She's making her own pesto again. Cooking spaghetti in the microwave and "frying" vegetables in the toaster oven. All this while wearing the yellow rubber gloves and saying that the pesto has feelings like a real person. Im terrified.
I broke his nose at the bar and he still went home with me.
Im drunk with people I love less than you. fix it.
You don't take my phone while I'm passed out, have a three hour conversation on it with Dealer Dave, set up a date with him and NOT TELL HIM THAT HE'S NOT TALKING TO ME.
I don't know at which point last night turned terribly, terribly wrong, but it was somewhere around Motel 6, specifically the parking lot.
Our friendship would be less complicated if your dad didn't think I was forcing you into having gay sex with me
A man and his most likely hooker just bought us Taco Bell.
How do I have sand in my vagina if we were an hour away from the beach?
He wore the same cologne as my orthodontist so all I could think about was how I hadn't worn my retainer in months
There are no winners in a lube eating competition.
So our bartender was in the bathroom the same time I was so I ordered a beer mid stream.....is that weird?
Randomize
