I have to decide between the hot young blond with no apparent gag reflex, and the brunette with a great ass and a trust fund.
my mother just offered to pay for my fake id.
I woke up this morning and I couldn't find my coffeetable. wtf?
There's a show on the Discovery Channel about T-Rex sex. I think this just made my life.
you just kept bragging about how there was a "pretty large" chance that you had pooped on the same toilet as George Clooney
im standing in line right now while the 711 manager calls other locations to see if they have the john cena collectors slurpee cup in stock...yep i need to get laid
I may have just flashed my roommate as he walked in while my towel was falling. Now he knows what an American sized penis looks like I suppose
He will. He has no choice. What's he gonna do? Find a better fuck buddy? We both know that's not possible. I'm the ideal friend with benefit. Minus snoring and uneven tits.
No. No. No. No one's allowed to fuck in the yurt.
I should start prefacing bondage with girls saying "I know you've read 50 Shades, but there is a 33% you're gonna freakout and go home, while I jerk it alone"
You'd love her. She's outspoken like us. And appreciates a big penis and a strong drink.
but you were the sluttiest panda there and you need to embrace it
You came out of your room naked under your open robe with a mouth full of brownie on a stick and grabbed a fistful of fruit loops and shoved them into your already full mouth.
Can we just get drunk and watch the Birdcage please I have no tolerance for straight men today
You know you turned your life around when your drunk eating salad at 3 am on a Friday night
Randomize
