I kept calling his name while we were having sex cuz i was so proud that i remembered it.
He offered to take me out to a nice dinner but I told him I would rather he just pay for my beer this weekend
Beer lympzucs are ki7lling me
I sat on the toilet and peed through my jeans, then I pissed the bed and blamed him...do you think well have a 2nd date?
This is actually a pretty big deal for him. I mean, he contacted a stranger out of concern for someone else instead of for sex.
That does show growth.
I only think it appropriate to apologize for making out with your next boyfriend. It won't happen again.
He's so drunk he thinks he's the ultimate warrior. Told cops he was from parts unknown. Never broke character
Is it weird that the cop that arrested me called me twice to tell me that I left my ring at the police station
Like I'm getting finger banged and my family is making cookies in the kitchen. Talk about terrifying
First night in my new apartment and I threw up in front of my neighbors door. Starting off this relationship strong.
I see your boobs were ready to greet the new year.
If you send me one more .gif of that fumble, I will make the 10 hour drive just to set you on fire.
The hat, the beard, the hard posing - like who does he think he is?
A bag of dicks
That's dating life
Just in case you forgot, you puked all over your boss house, pissed on his coffee table, and were then thrown out by his wife
Officially not baby mama #3. Celebration is in order.
Randomize
