If Curt Schilling could pitch a game with that blood-filled sock... if Tiger Woods won the 2008 US Open with a torn ligament, then I'd be an embarrassment to the human race if I couldn't manage to at least jerk him off even if I was still crying after he put it in my butt.
I just caught my mom fingering herself in the bathroom...Im moving out.
i wish there were pregnant emoticons
Just so you know I would totally fuck you. Does that count as a feeling?
We had sex and then he fed me pie. This is the best friends-with-benefits situation ever.
Watching the gap toothed girl get more ass than me is almost devastating.
You grabbed her hand and started jacking her finger off. She was horrified.
Did it finish?
Well you wanna do it now or later? I've had three shots and I'm listening to journey by myself. Emotionally there is no better prime time than right now.
You're not horrible. Thank you for my pandas.
I called you last night? What did I say??
That you love me forever and that I'm the greatest in the world now mohammed ali is dead...
definitely good. no good can come from sex in a very full public venue.
Come over.
Look lady I can't have sex with you EVERY day. I have things to do.
Ooooh no. Jesus take the wheel, or Moses. SOMEBODY TAKE THE WHEEL
Standing naked in my kitchen making nachos. I love my youth.
He broke both of his legs jumping out of a window to escape a coyote.
Randomize
