she just stood in the kitchen yelling "REAL WOMEN HAVE CURVES"
it was 5AM and you were field goal kicking solo cups into the sink
yeah she was being a bitch. do you remember me stealing ryan cabrerra's beer?!?!
As I was buying milk at the market, the lady at the checkstand said, "what? No alcohol today?" have I really earned THAT reputation?
Drunk at a girls little league game. Hello summer.
Can you bring me a pair of sunglasses to the bathroom please... Don't judge me.
your dad made us margaritas and breakfast on the morning. I think it's safe to say he relives his glory days through us
Times like this, when you talk openly about Tinkerbell being your spirit animal, are times when I'm allowed to question your sexuality.
She's beautiful tan and skinny she will make me hate myself and that's what I need in a friend right now
My mom just told me my dad shaves his pubes while drunk and I don't know how to feel anymore.
I've somehow found myself in an emotionally abusive relationship with a married man who gives me drugs.
My life is quickly turning into a Lifetime movie.
I've had more lap dances than hrs of sleep since Thursday, this is why you're planning all three of my bachelor parties
First night in my new apartment and I threw up in front of my neighbors door. Starting off this relationship strong.
Fuck him and his perfect arms, huge penis and relentless ability to ignore me.
dont ever go to laser tag drunk. you will be judged.
Randomize
