I'm at the bar and I just saw some unnecessary and accidental cooter...sometimes I think girls need a license to go out pantyless in public.
those are the first brownies ive had since i was 13 that didnt have weed in them.
Changed it back. Somehow I didn't think my profile pic should be me shirtless on ecstasy, ya know?
Around noon tomorrow come looking for me. I'll be on Mill wearing whatever clothes I haven't lost yet. DO NOT REPLY. DO NOT ASK QUESTIONS. JUST DO IT.
There is a drunk marine passed out on my porch. Mandy wouldn't sleep with him, Can you please come remove him?
...and that is the first time I've ever wished fewer naked women on someone I like.
The night is not complete until I am drnk and speaking to inanimate objects
This is me trying to take a picture to send to grandma. At 4. We were trying to look sober.
Well we found Mark's missing underwear. They're pinned up on Mike's trophy wall.
He stole my heart. I stole his identity.
She was giving me head, and a cop pulled up next to us. I freaked when he looked over at me, but so did he and rear ended the car in front of him.
i cant hook up i'm covered in egg rolls
I got outsmarted by a door tonight. Twice.
I broke my wrist trying to give him a blow job...
And this is why we can’t have nice things
What's a sexy way to say balls deep???
Randomize
