so i woke up in some guy's bed but then i realized i can atone for this tomorrow
I just looked at the maps icon on my IPhone and "eR" was typed in the search address bar. I wonder if we ever got there.
So i literally just wrote sorry on my quiz and turned it in.
she ate the whole pudding cup using only her tongue. i'm considering going lesbian for her
Thanks for putting the blue stuff in the toilet, it made me throwing up this morning more enjoyable.
I mean what are real friends for if they won't hold down your wedding dress to allow for a keg stand
Well, my nose won't stop bleeding from really bad cocaine and my purse is full of plastic gold coins. Also, someone saved in my phone as "tyrannosaurus sex" won't quit texting me. Savannah won. Let's put it that way.
There's a guy here who is improvising his own shadow dance on a table against the wall, in case you're wondering how my night is going
I think it was clear she was setting us up when she brought me over to you and said "Present!"
Y'know i appreciate how accepting you are of me being a terrible person.
Ran into my statistics professor at the bar, he chugged a car bomb and yelled "x bar mothfucker!". On average I'm loving this PhD program.
I don't think I'll get invited back. I drunkenly told her that her kids would be perfect for a pro-abortion campaign.
My apartment stinks of burning failure
No, this year you're all getting coupons for things like "no yelling because you had sex in my apartment" or "the last beer."
God damn you Coronavirus! I'm jonesing I got the itch. I would fully satisfy a horse for some Taco Bell or Perkins. God help me I'm going insane but I definitely don't want to get sick.
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