I had my own version of the Hangover last night. I woke up to a disassembled Christmas tree, shit on the futon, and a hamster in the bathroom with a necklace on that said "Feed Me Bitch." I don't own a hamster. I don't know what I drank last night, but I want to do it again.
How do I introduce myself to her without coming off as "the guy who jacks-off to her profile pic"?
I woke up pulling sunflower seeds out of my vagina. That kind of night.
I feel like we're taking advantage of the fact that our R.A has cerebal palsey.
You said "i miss him" not "i miss his dick." You're getting emotionally attatched. Shame.
I pretty much envision me eating a turkey leg whilst fucking you. I have priorities.
I think if it were a part of everyone's daily routine, the world would be happier. International Finger Yourself While Bathing Day.
hungover waitressing a bar association event. im being judged by actual judges.
Cleaning my pipe and using the left over resin solution to make THC laced rolling papers and a jar of hash oil/honey for my tea
WE USE THE WHOLE BUFFALO
Trying to figure out the logistics of putting my laptop speakers on this plate with the last slice of pizza. Too drunk to move the plate. Not an option.
I met his dad. Turns out he was a one nighter from the nurses conference in Vegas. Not sure how to handle this one.
Clearly, you already have. Both of them.
Also, thank you for letting me cry in your lap on the bathroom floor. I can't remember if I was clothed at that point, but if I wasn't, extra thank you.
Foreplay went from me being a bank teller and him a customer to us actually having to go to the bank so we would make rent
all I want for my birthday is booze and sex toys. don't bother calling if neither of those are included.
Pooping in a box is not fun. You're not a cat.
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