You and i never got to the, we dont care what we look like friend-stage. you know? like not brushing your teeth stage.
sorry im really high
We just saw a waitress walk by with a tray of bacardi and whipped cream.
Whoever ordered that deserves a pat on the back and the "classiest customer" award
I just found out my first birthday was a keg party. Suddenly everything makes sense
i hope not, i just know that at one point I was sitting on the bathroom floor eating bugles and crying because i had no one to show that it looked like I had witch nails when i stuck them on the ends of all ofmy fingers.
Urine might work for jellyfish stings, but we found out it doesn't work well for nose bleeds...
You're fine
I'm hiding in my chest because my walls smell weird. I'm not fine.
It's all good. Going back to my room to try and air out my balls.
Also one of my neighbors is blasting "pumped up kicks" and possibly butchering some chickens
Our music was glorious. Maidens were deflowered to the sound of my voice.
we had a "who's sex playlist is better?" fight.....
Now everytime I sit on a toilet I think about having sex with him. Great.
New rule: if you don't think racism exists, you don't get to put your penis inside me.
I have like three friends I don't have sex with, what did you expect
I'm having a hard time eating my sandwich knowing how many different buttholes my hands were in last night.
In the words of Disney’s Jafar, “desperate times call for desperate measures.”
Randomize
