I can't believe you made out with me with a french fry in your mouth.
just woke up to a 10 min voicemail of you singing "99 red ballons".... you need to work on your german..
People are handing out olympic condoms downtown, just put it on and it broke, this is how there trying to raise the population. Very sneaky canadian government, very sneaky
Doing tuck and rolls down a stair case was not my brightest idea
just found a piece of pizza in my dresser.....i remember you saying you were going to save one for later so i'm assuming this is your doing
we are sitting in a kindergarden classroom alone chugging beer. look at our lives. look at our choices.
He has to watch his girlfriends kitten. Even when she is in Vegas, her pussy keeps him from getting into mine.
My professor just told me I'm living a lie and I found puke on my pants. How do you think it's going?
Bring one of those heart stabber things in case you go into shock. I'll jab you.
My head is pounding and I need an ice pack for my vag. Successful friendsgiving!
im so hung over everytime my dog barks the sound vibration makes my whole body hurt
I was mid hand job and stopped me because he wanted to "connect" which meant putting his thumb in between my eyebrows and a hand over my heart and closing our eyes...
I'm pretty sure my munchies are the only reason Good and Plenty is still around
It's the kinda thing that makes you wanna buy a rainbow flag and fight republicans and kiss girls
I just don't understand what you plan on accomplishing there except for losing all vestiges of post-freshman year dignity
Randomize
