His uber religious wife caught us having anal sex in their bed..... she called us sodomites. Can you even be a sodomite if you're a girl?
You're not a sodomite. You're a whore. Tell her to get the insults right. Did she try to save you with Jesus?
She said she'd pray for me. Man, if I had just caught my husband balls deep in some ho, I'd say fuck the praying and kick her ass.
And you kept hanging up and calling back because you thought I wasn't greeting you properly.
she looked me in the eyes and called me a poet because i was singing lady gaga, then she fell over...
well i did drunkenly flip his snowmobile going 90, so i can kind of see why hes mad
please come over and have sex with me so we can talk about prom and kill 2 birds with one condom
Chugged a beer while being walked to the bathroom by campus police to pour the beers out.
Mistake of the day: loudly discussing my gay hookups on the phone at the dmv in upstate NY... this must be what leprosy feels like
god. I was just thinkin about the fact that there was a time in our life when we didn't drink.
She dresses cool and she's mean. And she has fake boobs I feel like I can relate to her on so many levels.
I just messaged a senior at Harvard and told him to 'tinder me softly'
I am an advanced cybernetic robot sent back in time to 2013 to fuck my wife senseless for hours on end. Have you seen this wife?
Eddy, if you don't want to roll play then say so. This is just obnoxious
Hungover, threw up in a cosmetic case in my car this morning. This is real life.
Well I found my neighbors on tinder if you're wondering how my night went
Dude we were sitting at my place stoned as fuk then someone knocks on the door and it was my neighbor giving me a huge box of cookie dough. Magic of weed.
I woke up to him watching me sleep and after I told him it was over he asked if we were still on for Vegas next weekend
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