So the bouncer told me I could leave the easy way or the hard way. I told him I was going to make him earn his 10 bucks that hour.
Apparently you chose the latter.
I was going to clean my house but wine sounded better
I just called a child with a Yankees jersey a jerkoff. so much for a friendly day @ the ballpark
I'm gonna get drunk and through up on the first happy couple I see.
I turned down free cocaine. I both respect and regret and that decision.
You text him a porn site address and said GOODBYE ... I think he got the hint
Oh, fuck yeah. I swear I came with every bite. Not even joking. Messiest meal ever.
Wow, thanks for ruining pizza for me. I didn't think it was possible.
Had a guy spin me around at the bar, kiss me then say "oh shit you're not who I thought you were" and then walk away.
That's one good thing about being an only child. I can masturbate wherever the fuck I want
Maybe not Elvis quality pharmaceuticals...But some good stuff
There is a video of you making out with him, flipping off the camera, and holding the plastic flamigo that you had just stolen out of a yard
You know shit got weird when you watched another guy shove drugs up your wife's ass and it wasn't awkward for any of us....
I told him that we shouldn't complicate things. He responded with a dick pic.
My mom purposely got me drunk so I can stay at her house bc "we don't spend enough time together." I blacked out anyway, so we didn't spend time together regardless.
I wasn’t trying to be creepy it just happened
I’m beginning to think that’s your defining personality trait.
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