I can text with my tongue
if being creepy is wrong, then i don't want to be right
wouldn't it be funny if when girls shaved their vaginas, they gave them sideburns?
Pish posh, there's never a bad time to eat food off my body.
Just took 4 secret shots in his bathroom to not remember him naked.
The other. Cat spoke to me and left. This shit is laced
The first cat might save me but they are taking out masks
I like the odds of his and my children being professional athletes too. To support me in my old age, see I do think about the future.
I'm sitting on the toilet just to avoid my bosses look of disapproval
The best of us have puked in our office garbage cans. I just hope yours wasn't the metal mesh kind...and bagless like mine. Rock n roll office manager.
She used my 100 Ways To Cope With Stress handout to wipe puke off her face
She's licking the whiskey out of the carpet. I think we may be soulmates.
I had tater tots and weed with a stripper at 4am who compared the size of my boob to her head because fuck you my life rocks
I was blacked out when we met, so basically this will be a blind date.
wouldn't be a true Fourth of July without dropping acid at 9pm on a Monday
FREEDOM
did anyone ever come to your door asking about the blood on the floor?
Randomize
