wouldve been great, if we lived in constant slow motion cause that shit lasted 30 seconds and half the time he was putting on the condom
i found her half dressed with her feet in the washer..she said it was sooo warm.
I can honestly say I've never had orange soda poured on my vagina before, that's a story for the grand kids
He set two of my ex boyfriends on fire at two different bars without anyone knowing it was him or how it happened either time. He might be a fucking super hero
I mean, they were small fires and no one got hurt, but still. Awesome.
Why is there an ambulance refusal in my pocket? I'm never going drinking with you again.
He told me we were going to a cabin. It's just logs and a tarp made into walls. This night can go either way at this point.
I think we need to stage an Intervention. Her Instagram is a call for help.
He went out to smoke and when he came back I was still in the same spot naked and unable to breathe.
All I could say was, "ladies and gentlemen, THIS is why I drive 30 mins"
They finally caught us and banned us forever, but it was worth it because we didn't have to pay for light bulbs for at least 3 years.
So you stole light bulbs, from your favorite bar, and got banned, and you're happy?
Look we couldnt pay for light bulbs and ramen, and you can't eat light bulbs or cook in the dark. Win - win.
Someone should make a valentines day card that says "I like the way you continuously consume thc with no concept of a limit other than drug supply" Because I'd send that to you.
He took initiative. Dragged me into the kitchen and did me on the stove....while it was on! And then we made nachos.
I'm gonna give the church their tithe, and the rest is a down payment on boobs.
He put his SoundCloud on his Tinder bio. I felt personally attacked.
How was jagerbomb pong?
It was like communism. Great in theory. Terrible when put into practice
On a scale of 1 to hungover I’m definitely throwing up at the office today.
Randomize
