I thidmdmk you'gre a special person
You know ure stoned when u start thinking about making a bacon smoothie
i just told my mom tuesday boozeday rhymes so that she can remember not to text or call me on wednesday mornings
youre going to kill that woman one of these days
I woke up this morning with a hospital armband on containing all the information off my fake i.d. WTF did we do last night!?!?
He kept spanking me and talking about biomedical science.
Aw, you fucked a pre-med? you're moving up in the world!
Im going home to examine my vagina with a hand mirror. wish me luck.
i take my contacts out every time we fuck so i cant see all the stretch marks
you smelled like vodka, i think that's why my grandma liked you
I found a lucrative side business - giving rides home to drunk oil executives. Very profitable.
I'm eating my emotions. I am no longer interested in anybody other than my own hand and vagina.
I threw up in the darkest corner of the bar last night, then watched 2 girls freak out in disgust after walking through it. I then realised I puked on the dancefloor, took a picture and proceeded to send it to my mom.
Double check your contract and see if it says anything about sleeping with your manager
I mean I'd assume the strange looks are on account of the fact that I'd imagine people normally don't stink of booze on an 8:14am flight.
I thought my holiday spirit was gone this year until I got banged to Christmas music. It's back.
You've reached your one pic per night limit. To increase your limit, start conversations before 9 and submit your request for an additional pic before 10.
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