You're a womanizer and a bitch.
I was at the bar last night dancing, puking in a trash can, and ordering another drink all at the same time. Have I lost my dignity?
haha no as long as you did hook up with anybody after that.
... oops
I have show me your genitals stuck in my head. Except in spanish. Muestrame tus genitals. Tus genitals.
it was the drunk execution of a sober decision, and its much more tasteful than the first mullet
As girls, Bert & Ernie are not very bangable costumes. At least not by who we'd want to get banged by.
I was kidding. But I promise you I'd still find us the most eligible bangables, even if we dressed up like a dumpster and a prom night baby.
I'm wearing a real bra and real shoes. I look like a fucking lady.
my mom was by far the drunkest one there. best impromptu wednesday afternoon party ever
My plan to masturbate 34 times on my 34th birthday backfired. Do you still have those crutches?
I wish my bank account would intervene on my life choices.. $200+ in alcohol in 2 weeks and a $40 McDonald's bill is a cry for help.
you said, 'he held out his hand, that means we don't have to pay' about the taxi driver, and then asked the doorman what happened to your pants...
I am descending into that finals week rage fueled by ramen, mountain dew and bad sex is what's up.
At least you didn’t announce to an entire bar you’ve eaten pussy, and then knocked your beer over.
Well this guy just went into a detailed lecture about how rinos are developing into unicorns.. It's gonna be a good night.
I shaved my asshole for this. That's real dedication.
What? No, wine isn't my weakness, I just love it.
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