i might even pee on it at walmart i am so nervous
The cop only confirmed I'm .22% Irish. Then I threw up on him.
I don't give a shit about soccer but I'm really excited about drinking at 7 in the morning
The handjob she gave me was better than the best blowjob I've ever gotten.. Just imagine the possibilities.
Woke up in a kilt. And it's not my kilt. Drinking was a success.
Just drunk tweeted NASA asking them to give me a lift home in one of their spaceships. Fingers crossed
i can feel the knowledge leaking out of my brain
replace it with alcohol - nature abhors a vacuum
well I woke up with about $3 in odd change and a note that said "I'm borrowing your weed." So, no, it didn't go to well.
I woke up to a full mcdonalds meal being shoved in my face. Mom mustve noticed the empty tequila bottle. I love family.
He balanced a treat on his nose, and then he rolled me a joint. My bf is the best pet ever.
Topless Tuesday? One of us will be really happy the other not so much.
Also I just took the BEST ass selfie of my adult life.... it's gonna be a good day haha
I'm still not sure how to feel about the fact that we had a threesome with a guy the same age as my dad
I woke up with a shot glass nestled between my boobs like a baby bird.
I'm stuck on a cliff. I'm not sure how I got here or how to get down. Please send help. And clothes.
Randomize
