I think there's some kind of asian convention downtown. There are thousands and they're all wearing badges and snapping pictures. I feel like I just stepped into your worst nightmare.
I woke up this morning with my shirt on upside down.
You mean inside out.
No, upside down. I ripped the neck hole in the process of getting it around my waist.
she is the kim kardashian of front butts
He was singing Will Smith Just the Two of Us to his burrito. That high.
Just witnessed a circumcision at clinical. i suddenly feel a sense of reconciliation over every guy who's done me dirty...
we found you under the sink... we opened up the doors and you told us to go away because you were playing indian in the cupboard
So the bros are yelling at another bro to get that dildo off the roof. And there is indeed a dildo looking object on the roof.
THERE IS THE SEXIEST BEARDED MAN HERE. I CAME EVERYWHERE.
I THINK I JUST JOINED A GANG. PLEASE PICK ME UP.
I punched some guy in the face for being an asshole then later I went to say sorry and give him a hug and he started making out with me. How was your new years?
the bad thing about being great at twerking is that I'm powerless to stop myself from doing it when I'm drunk and in public.
im pretty sure the interns at this hospital have gotten hotter
Our DD painted my costume on me for tonight. The strippers have been teaching him how to paint costumes.
Can you get snapchat back so I can show you all the places I threw up in/on last night?
Just made a drug contact standing in the sandwich line in the dining hall. Is this real life?
You're my fucking hero.
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