No, don't ignore my call, i just need to know, whats cuter a pig in boots or a miniature horse sitting down..
we were both hunting dick last night. it ended terribly for both of us.
life lesson #1: a fart during an awkward silence between 2 strangers doesnt make it less awkward.
....ANDDD I just became confused during sexting and sent my mother a text describing a "porno-worthy cum shot."
Also I got A jello shot for $2!!! It's like the forever 21 of bars
Apparently the library doesn't care about celebrating the day Jesus became a zombie.
Thanks for stealing lime trees for me at 4:00 am. We're well on our way to having sustainable supplies for mojitos this summer.
that would be two times in a week with two different guys.
they have the same name so it only counts as one guy right?
I haven't seen any of my friends sober in months. We have classes together.
also, I just found three random bruises on my knee. probably from when I was velcrod to the stairs
You're cordially invited to the love nest for alcoholic and aquatic adventures. Also known as an all expense paid trip to my pool, alcohol, and vagina.
I don't know what possessed you to do that, but you have to give the stripper more money before you try to check her oil or they are going to throw us out every time you do that.
I didn't get a chance to take any pics but the mental snapshot of her boyfriend calling her directly after we finished was a really special moment I wish I could properly share with you.
also dude totally apologize for the whole drunken "want something in my mouth" text
I volunteer to be the person who breaks into the room and runs around naked and has to be escorted out by police.
Randomize
