She has HUUUUUUUGE nipples
shit pants at work. discarded underwear.
just showed this text to the guy at west elm. luckily we did not stool ourselves in the midst of the ensuing hilarity. so you're commando now?
yep! most awkward part is that i was a few feet away from a client, talking and looking him in the eye. i've never stooled while looking someone directly in the eye.
Sandra Bullock looks like the most recent Michael Jackson
I just wiped my vajayjay with snow. Bad idea.
I woke up to her vacumming the grass
he broke into my appartment and left me a waffle maker...
you made sure you came back for your bottle of vodka but didn't remember to take your shoes
it's not like i was drunk to the point of NEEDING help...i just wanted someone to offer to hold my hair or something.
Just found a bag of weed nailed to the door that my dealer dropped off since I wasn't home. God I love Boulder.
The pigeons can smell the fear
Wtf
I'll be in my room with a breakfast burrito at 2:30. It's up to you...
don't judge my taste in strippers
Next time I will hook the Xbox before I get high I spent 30minuts thinking I was playing the Simpsons game when it was in reality a tv episode
Masturbated while waiting for my face mask to dry, so it was a productive night.
SOOOOOO I just attempted to go to the gym, hungover. Ended up throwing up in the bathroom. I hope people think I'm just working out really hard
Randomize
