I almost hooked up with this girl last night. she had a tattoo of a cardinal next to her cooter. said it reminded her of her grandpa
to cover up your slurred speech you tried talking like the creepy old man from family guy
he just spelled fiance, "pheancie". I dont think he's ready to get married.
Alcoholism comes in two forms... Us.
The amount of my urine my roommate has consumed after I found out he's been eating my food almost offsets how angry I am
I can't believe they didnt cut us off after we all hugged each other and started singing "were the 3 best friends that anybody could have" RIGHT IN FRONT of the bar and bartender...
Judge me...This apron fits PERFECTLY when I have no clothes on
Who said I was judging? More like congratulating.
Im on my period and I feel like I'm going to die. The only thing that can make this tolerable is for you to eat me out in the shower. Please. I'll do anything.
Lube is flammable
Who is this??
All I know is I want him to tie me up at least twice a week and I have an overwhelming urge to cook for him. Could this be love? I'm so confused....
then he told me my boobs feel like "if you put mushroom soup in a baggie." I don't know how I'm supposed to feel about this.
I shoulda been born a dude. There's too much power in a vagina.
Concept: I never actually flirt with anyone, I'm just a bitch and some people find it endearing
STOP PUTTING BUTTER ON MY FUCKING CAT
walk of shame across osu's campus on game day. i can see all the spots i threw up last night. its like my personal yellow brick road.
Randomize
