just printed out my drug dealers resume for him. guess the ecstasy scene slows down when kids move back home for the summer...
Found myself carrying 2 bottles of .89 euro wine about half a mile to where im staying. and someone stopped me and spoke to english. apparently, i reek of drunk american.
How bad does the situation have to be before its ok to attempt 'catastrophic event sex'?
Haha...we lost by one cup to a guy w shitty facial hair. What makes me most mad abt the loss is that I could grow a better beard on my vag.
He put crushed up bacon in the joint and now we're listening to the Matilda soundtrack I have no idea what's going on
At least I'm doing lines with a notecard. That counts for something right
I had phone sex with a retiree last night. This is not how I envisioned my 20s going...
That's why we don't trade sex for Taco Bell. It's called the dollar menu.
Currently putting together my outfit for this weekend, AKA a poster board that says "I'll cook you breakfast and do all your laundry, take me home." On front and back
In last nights drunken stupor i apparently purchased a luxury travel package for two to Australia. So uh...get a passport and clear your schedule for next month
I just spent 12 consecutive hours in the same outfit and none of it was pajamas. If that's not personal growth, I don't know what is.
I had to write an apology letter to my roomate for hotboxing in our bathroom. What a bitch.
Nothing says "Hello, Adulthood!" quite like receiving a dick photo at 11AM from a guy you haven't heard from since fifth grade.
returning from a 6am booty call in 2 feet of snow on a Tuesday is a bold new kind of low for me
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when I get back.
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