I fell asleep on the toilet again last night...
I found out he doesn't have a facebook, twitter, or myspace. So, I'm going to actually go to his house to spy on him.
My parents just told me I first got drunk when I was 4. Successsssssss
he just wrote my ten page research paper for tit pics. i love my boobs.
When his Irish accent comes out my uterus hums. Or some productive organ down there, I'm not sure of the logistics
Nah I'm perfectly content solely banging the married bartender once a week.
That's practically a relationship for you
Still want to know how you got back last night? Two Campus Security Officers carried you in around 430. Your pants were around your ankles.
I hate Sailor Jerry.
One guy got his nose broke and was playing with it. Then another guy was playing beer pong off his horse.
He sent me a snap chat of his naked torso with cookies over his nipples. Like.... that does not make me want you homeboy.
I didn't know what happened last night until the bruises in the shape of hands showed up on my boobs. Then it all made sense.
If, when you wake up, you're wondering why you're in the bathtub, it's because when I tried to move you, you yelled that that was cheating and tried to kick me in the face.
Fair enough.
I think if I send him enough nudes, he will buy my plane ticket.
From what I remember I had fun, until I threw up, and lost my shoes..
Danny put 5 hr energy in the jungle juice (that brilliant bastard) and I almost showed my penis to Alex. It was a rough night.
The neighborhood cougar just purred at me while I was doing yard work. I’m terrified and tumescent
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