No. I broke it. Note to self, never take a shower with your phone in your pocket.
please come you make the beer taste better
Just showed mom and dad the pics from San Francisco, while i played the Full House theme song in the background.
We had sex on the hood of my car and broke the windshield.
After you took the handle off the bathroom door I had to coach the Scottish guy sitting on the toilet, throwing up in his own lap, how to put his pants back on. Yes, I think he won the drinking game.
The drugstore has summer clearance. I bought you a little mermaid bucket. Now your hangovers will feel more like childhood adventures.
I never thought the first time a taser would be used on me would be at an applebees
So this 40 year old woman was trying to bring me into the bathroom to blow me and the bartender called the cops on her because she was showing her tits. Only in asbury.
I just remembered that i did pull ups in a bikini on the porch of Red Lobster last night. someone needs to stage an intervention
Banged my ex-wife last night...so I belong to that club now.
She broke up with me after I spent the whole day speaking in nothing but Marshawn Lynch quotes.
Hows your mom
Shes good, she claims she wasnt drunk
and then the sword just ended up between my legs
Did you just affectionately call me a scrotum?
I called to inform you I may or may not be getting laid tonight ...
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