Got some. In a truck. I will just pee you in the morning i guess?
So I thought I was slick leaving his room this morning all incognito. Little did I know I was wearing his football jersey with his name across the back... stilettos & my bra was left behind. never seeing that again
im trying to make cookies in the george foreman
I love how all these freshman girls think that they can wear what they wore last summer... freshman 15 at its skankiest
Hangovers were designed by God when he decided that so far he had taken it WAY TOO EASY on me.
I'm drinkin whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
Its not really a relationship, its more of a sex for booze program.
You're my spirit guide. This has to do with oatmeal cream pies.
After he came all he could say was how great the lighting fixtures where in my apartment.
I need to stop drunkenly getting naked. I'm losing all my favorite party clothes.
But the ghost of his schlong past haunts you
doing shots of $6 a bottle whiskey and chasing it with milk. my own personal way of saying fuck life.
I'm mumbling to people and trying not to accidentally shit my pants
St Patricks day needs to be raged like youve never raged before. Like youre in the desert and it starts raining beer. Like it's the day the announced the 21st amendment (which is the one that ended prohibition)
I just heard a 350 lb guy with a stutter describe getting blood in his eye as he was shanking his cellmate and, more generally, how to survive as a white guy in jail.\n\nYou should really consider going to some AA meetings
Randomize
