Soo I have a handle of 100 proof captain, cupcakes, and nothing to get up for in the morning.. This blizzard is shaping up to be a great night.
if they reproduce, their children will be the worst quarters players ever
I'm gonna need a helmet and adult supervision by 9...
i jsut feel off the bus, but its ok the driver let me back on. a woman hid her baby from me..
No idea how he made them, but vodka water balloons were a horrible idea.
I mean you can't really blame him. He's named after whiskey and I don't get along with pants.
They used the ice bucket from their room to drink beer from and called it the "Holy Grail"
I managed to get through my meeting without throwing up in someone else's office, so there's that for an accomplishment today.
I just had the most intense bikini wax of my life, i felt like i needed guardrails
Ugh a 13 year old just asked me why people drink, I had to explain it without making it sound good. I need a drink.
I guess the lesson here is that I shouldn't send nudes to elected officials.
I just used my citation as a bookmark. Want a beer?
Status: mom bitching about grandma not shutting the fuck up, while not shutting the fuck up. Dear Jesus give me strength or more bourbon.
I'm gonna watch porn and nap. I think I really have this Valentine's Day thing down
Sorry. I was preoccupied thinking about penises
Randomize
