But regardless, you really stood out last night, you should give me a chance
Sorry but you seem like a potential womanizer
Funny, my mom didn't get it when I said 'that's what she said' after she said 'it's so thick, it's impossible' in reference to my milkshake
No, you can still breathe under the balls.
6 other girls and I took an ice cream truck to the bar when we couldn't get a cab. Best birthday ever.
I think rescheduling my finals around when Im going to be hungover is responsible
I think it may of been me pulling down my pants is why she walked away.
Did you like my voicemail? Sounded like I was being murdered, right?
By a pack of ravenous dildos
Unlike bears, this weekend is not the #1 threat to America. It is, however, the #1 threat to my liver
YOU'RE CHANGING THE SUBJECT. I CAN BLOW SOMETHING UP OR I CAN TELL HIM YOU LOVE HIM, BUT ONE OF THE TWO IS BOUND TO HAPPEN
I'm in too deep with Breaking Bad. I realized I've altered my Tinder likes to people that either look like Jesse or work in a school's Science department.
just had sex in my dorm hall public bathroom while wearing my favorite cat sweater. tonight was a win
Listen. You dont know how advanced you are in yoga till you have to shave your butthole
This is like a walk of shame down memory lane.
I think it's important to not involve Bar Food in any near future decisions.
I opened my eyes to the dog snorting coke, I decided it was best to just close my eyes and forget what I saw
Randomize
