Like worst hickies ever he always gives them like wtf
Ugh now I'll have to carry around an overnight bag to all the bars I visit tonight. but hey! maybe I'll meet a dude! And need it!
I bought a nasal spray, my nose needs to be in order by the weekend
New game: Step 1) Turn on ESPN. Step 2) Drink every time someone says "LeBron."
You told them to let you give him stitches claiming you were a certified nurse because you've taken plant biology classes
nothing like a walk of shame in front of a cnn news crew to start the morning off right
He won't sleep with me again until I commit...
Run. There is other dick in the sea, less clingy dick.
I learned something last night. Strippers can be on house arrest?
I just came inside of a Gatorade bottle. That hungover.
I wouldn't even cut tickets or put ppl in jail I'd just hand out punches to the mouth and Liam Neeson throat chops
We sexted for four hours straight. Is this really what my life has come to?
Stay home. Ain't nothing out in these mean streets but plan b and regret
HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT
So I just ran in to the Couger you saw me take home last month who i haven't talked to since then at Wawa and she was PISSED.. APPARENTLY i fucked her niece last week
Just packed vodka and spare underwear into my purse- totally set for watching the hockey with him tonight
I definitely almost just pulled a condom out of my purse instead of money for my dad.
Randomize
