I need help removing her.
So I have to ask... did I meet your lumberjack expectations? I mean, minus the red flannel and all.
I asked him if he wanted to go to my place, he said i could go but he was gonna stay
nothing this campus sells is worth it. not even sex.
i wrote her a fucking poem. i better get laid for that
Do they take checks?
Did you really just ask me if you could write a check for a DRUG DEAL?
I woke up with a random mailbox in my room with a note that said "this should probably be returned. Happy Thursday!"
I'm on my fifth cocktail in twenty minutes. I don't think I will end this on two legs.
Pros and cons of selling your underwear to a guy on craigslist. Go.
Come down off the roof.
He yelled "HOO-ah!" like Al Pacino when he pulled down his pants. Trust me, he has every right to.
I couldn't find any flowers so I brought her a cat.
We need some Captain and Fanta. That shit will change your life. Sidenote, bring an IV drip to hook me to in the morning
We had an argument over whether or not she had super strength. She settled it by dragging me to the bed room and throwing me on the bed. Then forcefully fucking me. She won the argument.
Tonights mission: get trashed, smoke a bowl on top of the silo, get some dick. Not necessarily in that order.
Gotta say, self-deprecating Lord of the Rings-themed sex jokes were not on my agenda for today.
Randomize
