i am watching brooke knows best right now and hulk is totally dating his daughter's look a like. it is gross and disturbing.
the most pressuring question is, why are you watching brooke knows best?.
when a girl says 'did you just try to kiss me' you should leave the bar. trust me.
I woke up, not remembering how or when or why i was even there and looked over to find Steph spooning with an adult black man.
His texts read Like a 15 year olds diary.
then she said "on the count of three I think we should apologize to eachother"
The moment that kid turns 18, I will have his sperm for all three meals.
Oh God. You're going to jail
He tried to stick it in and I asked him what he wanted to name our child and he quit.
I think I'm going to postpone my photo shoot until my Gpa dies. I don't want to be in lingerie and stripper heels when I finally get the call
Considering showing up at your house with coronas. I'll be wearing a sombrero and that's it.
Party city is having a sale on maracas
Oh just chilling alone with a stranger baby while everyone else clambakes the bathroom. Probation is the reason there is bad things in the world.
just woke up under a car ? That's odd
Holy fucking shit
WAIT BUT IM WEARING A BACKPACK THAT MAGICALLY HAS 30 BEERS IN IT
I own a halfway home for drunk girls, this is my life
WTF I can't even get a boyfriend here and you're getting nudes from across the country
Knowing how to carefully mix my vices has to be the #1 skill I've gotten from pharmacy school
My drug dealer is giving me a 15% veterans discount on my weed for nov 11th
That's the best thing I've heard all week.
Randomize
