you would have Pina Colada flavored saliva.
first off, his name is dougie. strike one.
How can you turn a kayak date down? I'M TALKING RIVER HEAD HERE.
This is part your fault too. Don't tell me your dishes are unbreakable and not expect me to prove you wrong.
The same guy who pierced my nipples just told me he can help tutor me in precalc.
I'm pregnant.
The fact that this number is not in my contacts is giving me hope it's a wrong number???
You need to come back and help me drink our beer so the fridge has room for the other beers
I met her at the quidditch match. She was the snitch and I caught her. After at the bar she walked up grabbed my hand and said snitches have flesh memories.
wow. there is a man who hates the post office more than me. he is causing a scene, this is a snapshot of elderly me.
For sure. I'm slow cooking a 6 pound pork shoulder wrapped in bacon. If that doesn't scream "guys I'm going into culinary arts lets get drunk" I'm not sure what does.
I also told the pizza delivery guy that he smelled good. I must be ovulating.
I woke up with "To whom it may concern" sharpied on my dick
So I'm hiding in my bathroom smoking bowls because my landlords kids came over to visit my dog... My life has reached a new low
Plan before tomorrows interview: wash off green glitter from EVERYWHERE!!!
I think I fell asleep on my pizza last night. Damn, I am sauccccy.
Randomize
