That was rough. We had a 50% puke rate and 100% still drunk rate at lunch
just saw my sister at the strip club... dont think she's "taking a night class over the summer"
I'm sitting at the bar eating dinner next to a nerd, a guy in a 10 gallon hat, and a policeman. I feel like I joined The Village People
I'm gonna vom. In the dentist chair. Who makes a dentist appt for July fucking 5th.
First if all, whoever designed penis shaped ice cubes is clearly daring me to shove them up my vagina
The nurse who handed me my discharge papers underlined and highlighted do not consume alcohol while on my painkiller its like she knows me.
Any formal decision about whether we're planning to objectify naked women with daddy issues tonight?
There is nothing quite so pathetic as sitting in bed in your underwear eating easy mac in complete silence, waiting for Netflix to load
If you set your screensaver to be a slides show, make sure you remove dick pics first. This lesson 1 of living with your great aunt
It was a good dick. I give credit where credit is due. A good dick deserves praise.
Update on my sex life: my calves are sore from masturbating too much. It's a thing. Look it up.
Bring vodka when you get back from court.
you scattered cereal all over the floor so you could "re-trace your steps and figure out what happened." 20 min later you yelled about the mess and let the dog in to clean it up. 5 min after that you screamed since the cereal was gone. you suspected me and locked me in the bathroom so i could "think about what i'd done"
and you bit everyone who tried to let me out. no more tequila for you. EVER.
Just sold my panties for 40 bucks to some rando dude at the gay bar. I think I found a way to fund next years spring break trip. Hello cancun!
That man fucks like a champ. The sex was so good I did him again in the morning just to be sure
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