just upgraded from jello shots to jello bowls blacking out just got that much more delicious
Sorry no. I've already promised my first single hookup to somebody.
Yea, I had a chaperone thankfully. I'm in the fetal position attempting to eat captain crunch now.
I dont know. Theres no way you can be ready for the sex hurricane that will consume you.
I guess I realized I had a problem when I ordered 4 shots and told the bar wench to pour them all into 1 glass
I'm having one of my monday morning walk of shame coffees if you care to join.
I think its awesome that i just got you to cheer for sex
Well sex is awesome. Sex deserves cheers.
Just made a bong out of a pineapple. So yes.. And champagne is about to be popped
Is it possible to sluttify a hobbit costume? Cause if so, this will be my biggest accomplishment.
I just googled "can they trace a vibrator back to you" so that' s how my life it going.
He tried to introduce me to one of his friends that kept looking at me and I said "OH NO! I can't do this shit anymore!!" It was like I had a vision of what drunk me would've done in about 20 minutes.
He said he remembers me...standing on a snowy roof, smoking a blunt, yelling "you're pretty fly for a white guy" at him. Sounds about right.
I'm highly inebriated watching star wars, this text was sent via the force
He just showed up in boxer briefs and loafers with only his phone and condoms
Random boy motorboated me, handed me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, winked and walked out with some other girl
Find him and marry him.
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