i think i just was awoken by the sound of my roommate choking on her boyfriend's dick
You tried to call the hospital and left a voicemail asking if you could be put on the liver transplant list as a "pre-caution"
Found your pants in the mailbox
What were my pants doing in the mailbox?
I don't know but there's postage on them
I just remember taking her cat for a walk around 3 am then falling asleep in a slide at the park
i want to find a way to basically assault his face with my vagina.
Just found out my 21st birthday is on a Wednesday. The possibilities are cheap, as well as endless.
They better compete for your attention. Dual to the fuck
I expected to wake up with a sext of you posing nude and all I got was a missed call.....disappointed.
I'm sorry I think it was because I lost a chicken nugget in my purse and that's all that was on my mind until 4am
I took an adderall. This is weird. My eyes are really wide open and I am really good at staring. I've written on 9 peoples walls and updated my status. I am getting shit DONE!
So I pass out narcotics if its a girl?
the guy next to you kind of looks like a penguin. i'm going to fuck him
My drug dealer was just on ESPN..
HE WAS CUMMING IN THAT DICK PIC
I successfully cockblocked 5 people in one night. I wasnt getting any, why should they.
It actually wasn't the first time that a guy I just met ate me out in the back seat of his car in a starbucks parking lot in the middle of the day.
Randomize
