We are surrounded by old people. Heavens waiting room for sure.
I swear that when I have my own bathroom, I'm gonna lock myself in there and masterbate for at least 3 days in sheer appreciation of it.
you know what its like when everyone is chanting "do it, do it"...still friends?
Please just tell me how ugly she was so I can bask in the diminishingly small reassurance that might give me
I literally just fucked insane clown pussy. 24 yo nut job moonlights at children's parties. Gave me head while still in full clown makeup from my kid's birthday party.
Still butthurt there's a framed picture of me passed out on the toilet in my grandparents' living room
I feel like cursing someone's first born child right now. Like I wanna maleficent some bitch.
MY INSIDES ARE BASICALLY BEING WRUNG BY A CHAINSAW IM NEVER TAKING PLAN B AGAIN
Talking to a customer about getting high and staring at glow in the dark wheels while there is a cop in the store. Just another day in Tampa
It's now officially the Christmas season, so I have no shame in drinking evernog.
I don't know how to say "Sorry I was banging your boyfriend before I knew about you but you're awesome and we should hang out." without just saying it.
Some guy just walked past the bus stop in a lab coat and with a samurai sword and case...
Every morning should start with 2 orgasms and a shoulder massage
wait i saw you last night?
we found you ass naked on the couch covered in pillows.
I'm not saying you're stupid, just that you have bad luck when thinking...
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