I just did your MASH and your life is pretty unfortunate. Youre marrying the tech guy for love. you live in a shack and you're a hooker and you make $1 a day. you drive a brown limo and you have 7 kids
Grow some girl-balls and come out already
Had a drag queen carry me to the car. So I'm told...
He's cheating on his wife, and he's judging me for eating McDonalds
Btw before you ask, the dr said there's no way shoving his dick that far down my throat is why i got laryngitis
I just took the cheapest shot in your honor
I'm hungover laying in my moms bed watching Space Jam.. Adult Life..
I'm pretty sure male strippers are the last things I need in my life right now.
I woke up with my vibrator in my bed so I'm assuming I had a decent night.
Just learned a valuable lesson today. Don't open snap chats from 3 am the next morning while sitting next to a small child. They totally saw your dick.
He took me out, we slept together, and he sent me home this morning with fresh cantaloupe. #husbandstatus
He turned down head in favor of a handjob. Not sure if he's crazy or i have magic hands
Are there rules against fucking your ex's dealer?
we panicked because we couldn't find you anywhere, but then we found you tripping in the bathtub with Marie's cat. there was no water. you thought there was water, though.
my roommate had drunk sex above me in our bunk bed and then built me a fort to apologize the next day
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