yo my bday is less then one week away. hope youve found another annoying candian i can lick dairy products off of. also sorry about your loss
I just woke up on my kitchen floor using a yellow pages as a pillow and surrounded by plants that used to be in the garden around my apt building, can't wait to see the security tapes for my eviction
Just saw an old lady vomit in a trash can at the airport. I instinctively called her a pussy. College has ruined us.
He ate me out on the balcony. My asian neighbors cats are judging me...ALL 3 OF THEM!!
I have a way to get him back. you're going to have to take one for the team and make a visit to the health department. you in?
Well... first you killed the girls goldfish, then you shoved her face in your armpit, made her cry, got kicked out, ate your cigarettes, and passed out in her driveway. Pretty successful night if you ask me
It's Wednesday. And it's about that time to remind everyone that my priorities from last weekend have not changed moving forward into this weekend.
I feel like every young boy's first wet dream is too have sex with the Pink Ranger. I am now fulfilling that dream for one man. I am a hero.
I'm sun burnt so instead of getting drunk and trying to sleep with you, how about we get naked and you scratch my body and rub lotion on me while I rub one out?
I tried to settle their lesbian roommate fight by turning on Pretty Wild
Being a slave to ur dick is exhausting.
Only the sound of Friends and my gulping of wine are masking the sounds of my roommate getting laid
I felt the need to set off fireworks in the living room while they were having sex upstairs. Yes, they quieted down.
All I remember is your girlfriend laying on the bathroom floor and me crawling in and asking if it was okay to puke.
He ate me out in a limo while we were driving home. I love bars being open again!
Randomize
