She was drunk and kept trying to talk while I was in her mouth. It sounded like the teacher from a Charlie Brown cartoon!
So I think we're almost at the age where we should start calling boys men. Now what age do they start living up to the new title?
Most never. Some around 65.
i asked him to tell me something nice and he said "your vagina is really tight."
Billy Mays is dead, Vince Schlomi is in jail, who's going to sell me useful gadgets at ridiculously low prices now?!
I lined up everyone's pillows and I'm playing Evel Knievel when I jerk off later.
My mom wanted me and my brother to have some bonding time before I left for school. Our bonding time consisted of us smokin a few bowls then goin to Red Robin to cure the munchies. Ooo how I love family time :)
I feel like someone was just looking at my memory and took out an eraser and was like "nope he doesnt need that"
"Guy Time" translaed into 10 shots apiece and me waking up covered in my own blood.
Eating my shrimp pasta on the porch with a 40, wearing a Hawaiian shirt, proclaiming "I GOT SCRIMPS." I just jumped the shark of college.
There's a homeless man outside the bar. I have a toothbrush and toothpaste in my car. I think i'm going to give them to him. And they said drinking is bad.
You're so thoughtful.
Um please remind me to tell you what happened tonight. It involves wine, pain killers and firing a handgun in our apartment. Legit might be hiding from the cops this weekend.
I woke up with his condom in my mouth. I actually use them now you should be proud of me.
Come through the front door when you get here.
Right now I'm so wasted I can't determine whats a door and a window.
I'm so glad you haven't fallen off any more yachts
There are way too many people I have fucked in this class for this not to be awkward
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