Family of uber douches all wearing ed hardy in a hummer taking up 2 parking spots at starbucks. Please be more cliche
Also, new rule: You are no longer allowed to send me a text with the word "dildo" in it before 10am.
Get to the bar. Power hour leading up to the rapture.
I'm all about sex. But even I know there will be a time to retire my junk. And that will be my 40th birthday, or whenever I'm hideous
Wait, whatever happened to locking our vaginas in closets?
You better be Eskimo Brother-ing the FUCK out of tonight right now. Long distance 'balls deep' high five
I can give you five reasons its your baby
and I can give you 10 reasons it's not, but I'm busy so I'll just go with you have the wrong number. And also I'm a straight girl.
Oh? I just remember dropping coins and trying to give the manager change to let me back into the bar.
I'm really sorry I hooked up with your student on the dance floor..
YOU SHOULD HAVE BEEN THE FIRST VISITOR TO CHRISTMASLAND
I don't need romance, I need cheese sticks
Never in my life have I been so excited to nap as I am right now.
Your slutty phase was the highlight of my year.
In any case. I fucked a married couple recently. Know what a straight person would've done there? Been super weirded out by 1/3 of the genitals there, that's what.
He showed up at my house drunk with a pizza and said he wanted to lazily finger me while I watched supernatural. Who was I to say no?
Randomize
