Kenny Powers is just a normal guy with exceptional hair
so my aunt is sitting on the couch, eating a brownie and watching the biggest loser saying how it's not that hard to eat healthy
man i love america
Disney World has no open container laws. Ohmygod this place is even cooler than it was when I was ten.
a commercial for my antidepressant came on and they said you shouldn't take if if you drink right as i took a shot
god is laughing at you again
we've had sex 4 times and he still refers to me as 'the chick in my chem class'
So my girlfriend used a threesome to tell me she wanted to leave me for a girl... Not entirely sure how I should feel about that.
I feel like I'm in an ocean of eels jacking me off
I can already see the regret in her eyes. Amazing night. This city rules.
I'm concerned that this blind man on the bus has a boner right now
I'm a wonderful, drunk angel of hydration and sometimes absinthe.
Btw any and all sexual fantasies or arousal I had about cops is null and void.
I tried to get more sleep but the universe decided I needed a drunken freshman instead
I told her I'd rather set my hair on fire than sleep with her again. In retrospect, that was probably too harsh. My eye is still swollen shut.
You stumbled into the hotel room escorted by security and then went into the bathroom sat by the toilet, threw up for hours while slamming your head on the wall and whimpering "why" over and over.. I went to bed
I was drunk in the shower and i decided to shave. Im now bleeding to death
Randomize
