Apparently Sundays are the worst days for your friends to get their head split open and need stitches...there's only 1 doctor on duty
He taught me how to drive a stick by using his dick. He even made the whurrrr noise so I knew when to change gears.
Now she's making me sit here and look at pictures of guys she likes who look like bears. She's calling them her bear friends.
You should never talk to him again. Unless its you knocking on the door and punching his dick.
I feel choking has become trendy-- ita losing its effect. I may just have to go back to missionary to spice it up
I've had to much cheese to give a fuck about anything. im tired.
you can't just say no to brian. he was bugging me to get me to drunk for 14 hours straight yesterday. HE DOESN'T GIVE UP
Ever the responsible adult, I just realized that today is the Obamacare deadline, but I'm too high to handle insurance now.
Even blacked out me knows not to sleep with socks on
I can't tell if my heart is fluttering because I love him... or if it's palpitating from all the coke.
Do you think if I explain to her I want to have loud, unprotected sex with her sister she'll understand?
I farted in the parking garage and it echoed.
Do you think Root Touch Up or Just for Men would work better on pubes?
The guy in the cage next to me is having phone sex. His girlfriend is in College Library. Why is my life ridiculous.
I always want to see you. Honestly my only hesitation is that my ass is still kind of sore from Sunday 🥺
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