Imagine if sharks could walk on land...scary.
we were spooning and you were the big spoon but you insisted that I call you "the ladle"
I love online classes. Spent the last part of my lecture taking apart a teabag and filling it with weed.
Look. You've gotta stop making this about you, and make it about my vagina.
And then he told me he just wanted me to hold his cock while we watched tv...
he told me to hold it and try to write my name in the snow and it seemed like a bonding moment because neither one of us had ever done that before. i didn't anticipate it vibrating and weirding me out therefore making me let go and get my hand peed on.
They sat me on college avenue with a puke bucket and people were mistakenly throwing change in it. Got me enough money take a cab back to my apartment.
I FEEL LIKE I CAN TAKE DOWN A FULLY GROWN MOUNTAIN LION WITH ONLY A POINTY STICK OH MY GOD
My life is sponsored by tidy cat kitty litter, Bacardi rum, and plan b.
On a completely unrelated note I think I have carpal tunnel
Again, totally unrelated
Right now, there's some ten year old kid getting ready to go outside and play basketball. He will soon find out his basketball hoop was no match for my car.
Swish.
Drove by a cop already pulling someone over and toasted him with my bong
It's 4 in the afternoon........
FUCKIN BIRDS ARE CHIRPING AT 4 IN THE MORNING. THE SUN ISN'T RISING YET MOTHERFUCKERS, GO BACK TO YOUR NESTS.
Just made my first drink, took 2 sips feel like god
I just put together something from IKEA so that’s mandatory oral for a week.
Randomize
