Do you still like to have your hair pulled?
No, I never liked having my hair pulled. I think you have me confused.
You even been so high breaking up weed with your fingers feels like surgery?
My 54 year old father just sent me a YouTube link on my school email titled "Walrus sucks his own dick" and then wrote in the email "I wish I were a walrus". What the fuck is wrong with my family?
He noticed there was ketchup on his shirt and took it off. Noticed there were people there and put it back on. Then he saw the ketchup again. He must have taken his shirt on and off about 6 times
I thought of you while cleaning the forehead prints off my glass doors.
She wants to practice her harmonica skills on my penis
Can we just talk about how awesome I am. I just slept with a new guy while listening to the previous guys bands cd.
It's a low moment when you're looking at your girlfriends tits on your daughter's phone..
Pizza rolls are incredible. They are like sex, except I have them sometimes
He said "you speak American pretty good for a Canadian" and it took everything in me to still fuck him. Dry spell ended btw
He fingered me in a Waffle House bathroom and then stole a traffic cone. Is this love that I'm feeling?
This is why you have to watch more Zombie movies- to prepare for End Times...
If sex isn’t mentioned at least three times at the dinner table, I’m not interested...
kind of bad when u call a cop an asshole for driving you home from the bar
It wasn't my fault.
You let her suck your neck. Yes it was your fault.
Randomize
