there is a ziplock bag over sangria in a wineglass in the fridge...classy?
Beer bonged 7 shots of Jameson. I title this night short stories with tragic endings.
Guess who won bingo at the senior center and is going to jail all in the same night?
Could be my worst decision since the whole 'third degree burn' fiasco.
Had sex and ran 2.8 miles all before 7:30am. This is going to be a very productive Monday.
You were crying and singing wanted dead or alive while trying to eat cold soup, I think that pathetic is an understatement
Why did you send me 12 pictures in a row of your expressionless face at 2:30 am?
Okay I take that back some girl just said pussy sweat. Get me outta here
you 2 were alone in the living room and the dog walked in and you started yelling what are all these people doing in here
Had a dream that you were held at gun point. But I killed the guy. Then we embraced in the biggest hug while everyone around us clapped... Kinda how I imagine our wedding...
gonna guess the empty vodka bottle and open can of tuna in the bathroom drawer are related?
Well, I guess you are not meant to have this fucking picture of an adorable baby duck.
Is it ironic that our divorce court is a block from where we had our reception? Or is it just sad? Alanis has confused my understanding of irony.
They sent him a photo of me smoking a bong whilst wearing the dinosaur head. I think that's the last we hear of his nonsmoking fitness freak ass 🤷🏼♀️
We really gotta wear capes to the bar more often...
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