We're 3 acts into this drag show and we've already run out of Lady Gaga songs.
So the guy sitting next to me is watching dungeons and dragons on youtube. I didnt realize you could get more pathetic than actually playing the game.
Dude its barely eleven am and there is already a firetruck and ambulance at the shamrock...happy st paddys day
She gave me a foot massage with her tongue. I think we're both scarred for life.
In the future let's not drunk dive in the fountain in front of the hotel bar.
I gave ten strangers a full description of his penis and its abilities. I need to stop drinking.
Your ankle brace is here and the saw is charged. Grab some vodka that cast is coming off tonight.
You better be Eskimo Brother-ing the FUCK out of tonight right now. Long distance 'balls deep' high five
Side note. I love it when I think I've sobered up and then I get a second wind of drunk
is that a sigh of girlish delight, or "sigh...I'm having a herpes outbreak'
Can't it be both?
I might as well walk around wearing a sandwich board and accept the fact that I'm dying single.
Did you put Adderal in the fishtank in the lobby? The fish are acting like Olympic sprinters. Asshole.
You told me you were trying to learn all the MLB ballparks while you waited for your porn to load.
I just found a bag of chex mix in my clutch
You were feeding it to the bartender last night
You could at least care enough to fake an orgasm for me.
Randomize
