Plan B is the new Plan A
Did you hit it?
Turns out she was a he. but to answer your question, yes.
my brain is sober enough to have a conversation.. but my arms feel nice
he is not the type of person you only have sex with once. god adds years to your life every time you sleep with him.
was it mean of me to chase him screaming "DO YOU EVER WANT TO BE ABLE TO HAVE CHILDREN?!"?
You and I should start a club for people who woke up on outside on a bench with no idea how they got there.
I have decided to cut my hair. This is based solely on the fact there is too much of it to clean vomit out every Sunday afternoon.
My mom can no longer prohibit me from smoking pot..I sell to her boyfriend.
Wouldn't pinatas filled with coke be awesome idea for cinco de mayo?
yeah, but the likliness of me finding my husband at a party where the facebook event is titled "NEW YEARS EVE SHIT SHOW" is highly unlikely
i'm already feeling the tequila hangover i'm going to have on friday
i will trade you pizza and a blowjob for a fifth of vodka.
do i get to eat the pizza while you give me the blowjob?
We go out, we get drunk, we watch Star Wars, we pass out. What's wrong with this tradition?
Who told you that acid and Jurassic World was a good idea?
dont remember, but I'm pretty sure I was convinced that the hybrid dinosaur was satan the whole time. It was actually very spiritual
Could you just like have a friend who feels bad for me and secretly always wanted to have sex with me
Randomize
