Her vagina smelled like chicken
why do you say that
chicken smells like everything
I bought a bottle of 100 proof for the storm. I am going to drink until I pass out. I'm taking bets. 1:30 pm is the over/under.
I want to punch and suck your dick at the same time. I don't think we have the healthiest of relationships.
He kept buying me shots of tequila. I decided to just save myself the half hour of toilet hugging and tell him straight up that I intended on sleeping with him. We got Tacos on the way home with all the money we saved.
Dear Derek. I would like to offer my sincerest apology for the 2 to 6 text messages you are about to read. Also for the 15 minute voicemail, which may or may not have sent. Sincerely, Sober Katie
You have to keep an eye on her tonight cause you know how she likes to pickpocket people when she's drunk.
This girl just texted me asking me to drop her cheese. What the fuck for that mean?
Hey, ok if I kidnap you? I wanna test a theory.
So I saw her today...and it was weird...she is just like not pregnant anymore.
Dude...how high are you? of course she isnt pregnant anymore...thats what happens when you give birth
It says a lot about the way my life is going right now that 'there's no shit in your house' is fucking good news.
I mean, the night I fell out of that bus I made you pour vodka onto my wound to clean it, then duct taped a paper towel to my hand and kept drinking.
Grab some lube and condoms and you get a free shirt? College is weird
Just remember: We don't tell our English professor about our fetishes unless she specifically asks about them.
I fucked R2D2 last night. I consider Star Wars day a success.
I love her so much I can forgive her for wearing crocs
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