i just told my boss to make it rain at camelot later...what is wrong with me?
Crap im kindd 0f drunkk we just hooked up in a mcdonalds parking lot but i dont know why how we are here
why is every porn film shot in the same house? with the same red couch!?!
Let's just say for some reason we thought it was okay to make a burrito smoothie.
He googled "how long will i be drunk" and just started crying
i lnow ive slrrwsdy teted you this. but goddamn girl on tv is a good song
Sitting on an airplane reeking of booze, sex and shame while surrounded by families coming home from Disney. This is not one of my finer moments.
He shit in a sock dude, you can't come back from that
I IMAGINED YOU YELLING SURPRISE WITH JAZZ HANDS. AND I LOVE YOU FOREVER
And my only real exposure to Russian culture is you and Internet porn.
So I found a skull ring inside me this morning. I'm assuming its yours, so I'll leave it in my mailbox for you - it looks expensive.
We used a snorkel as a funnel. Can you say desperate?
multiple people will be seeing my nips tonight. not mad about it at all
lets go to sea world and you can just hit on every guy in a wetsuit until you get lucky
It's 8 in the morning and you're doing coke and drinking margaritas. First, you have a problem. Second, why didn't you invite me?
Randomize
