Day two of vacation and my first drink of the day is a plan b colada
heey were did you guys go? last time i remember seeing you i was throwing up in the fountain
he let me duct tape his mouth because i said it was my fetish, i really just wanted him to shut up
the boys lacrosse roster just went up... now we can see who we had sex with
Exactly. This is the bit where I learn a heartwarming lesson about not making my drinks half vodka
I'm like five sips away from making a Craigslist post for true love and mustaches. My family is going to disown me tonight.
I asked if I could borrow some condoms. She referred to herself as "a soup kitchen for whores".
I look like shit btw. Like the joker from Batman.
I'm not sure how that's possible unless you put on face paint. Which I would respect.
Just to let you know... If you ever want to get me a gift, the One Direction perfume comes out soon....... It's called Our Moment. It's an appropriate gift for a 25 year old woman.
Can you plz delete the video of me twerking in Waffle House, my mom just got a vine.
I walked in on him fucking my best friend. I think we've reached the point of following each other on twitter.
I just text my one night stand Happy Easter on her way home...now would be a good time for the lord to smite me.
I can't believe you cupped pat's balls to prove your fake relationship
I doubt the gods of funday Sunday would exact such a high price... But it's good to know an afternoon with me is worth a left foot.
Come get your boyfriend. He is hammered talking to me about hot dogs and casinos.
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