pretty sure I just motor boated my professor at the drag show
he told me not be awkward when his girlfriend comes tomorrow. and then he made out with me
You would only drink if the space jam soundtrack was playing, you thought it was hilarious that before every shot you said "y'all ready for this".
which bright sisters idea was it to put semi-formal in the middle of no-shave november?
i'm using a wine bottle as a spitter. how classy is that.
we should become lesbians. not together. just in general.
I dont think yelling "Grab your dicks, time for pics!" helped your case either.
Found your glasses drenched in ketchup on my driveway this morning
Her dad high fived me on the way out the door. Not the reaction i expected after she came so loud.
I'm going to give blood tomorrow. Prepare yourself for pictures and a cynical poem about the heart and its level of tangibility.
Pretty sure i brought my phone charger to a booty call
I hooked up with a guy that had a beard last night felt like I was building a fucken log cabin
I just poured two shots of fireball into my Rapunzel mug I love finals.
I turn into such a nice and loving person when I take Vicodin
Wait wait wait. You are actually taking advice from this lunatic?
This is the girl who got a balloon full of cocaine through security no questions asked. Of course I'm taking her advice.
Valid.
Randomize
