We stole some shitttt from king sooper's. fuck yeaaa
what did you steal
frozen pizza, cat litter, and preperation H. not much different than my usual grocery list.
yeah my walk of shame consisted of driving on the wrong side of the road at 6am still drunk with cum drying in my hair and left eye.
Life is so much better when you know you're gonna get laid soon.
Your christmas gifts are already wrapped, how on top of my shit am I?
I'm hungover as fuck and had to break into my own house by throwing a cinder block through my back door at 4am. You're more on top of your shit than me.
This girl came outta nowhere yelling HOLD MY DICKKKKKK!
i accidentally sent all my draft messages..how do i do damage control for the multiple "fuck me now" type msgs sent at ten am?
Court can wait. right now you and your magic penis need to be here satisfying me.
Somehow those two combined like captain planet and shit went haywire
You pretended to pelvic thrust my mother on the boat while my 92 year old grandmother looked on. Thanks.
So I just had breakfast and then sex in a parking garage before he went to school and thus I am loving my life
I found where he bartends and I guarantee you that in approximately nine months from this Friday, you will have a niece
Fuck that guy and his dumb haircut and awesome dick
he told me he liked me . I thought we were just fuck buddies . This ruins everything!
It was a strange night. I made out with his college roommate and said "do you care?" beforehand.
Only thing I have going for me is jacking off, weed, and saturdays
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