I'm putting on too much make up bc I'm stoned
Chicago was legit, ate some badass pizza and gave a cig to a crackhead..its all i thought it would be
She said she never had to courage to go fully shaved. Since when did shaving your snatch become courageous?
everyday i am more and more thankful i can still check the no box for "have you ever been convicted of a felony?" on applications
My vagina is not really on board with my "emotional issues"
My wife climbed on top of me, fucked my brains out, and gave me money from the ATM. I'm living the dream.
I told you when I started the only reason I was gonna coach your kids soccer team was that I could meet all the hot soccer moms. So why are you so mad I slept with your ex?
like stop just cause your whole life has been one enormous reject pile does not mean that i have to suffer too
I would professionally fuck the shit out of her
I pay 3K a month for rent, yet last nite I broke into the back of my building, scaled over 2 tons of garbage in heels and took a dirty freight elevator to my floor just so my doorman wouldn't see how fucked up I was
U know ur prob on camera right?
I'm not wearing pants, but I'm wearing a tiara.
What are you gunna do with your life today
put it back together
ever feel bored AND lazy?
I call it "awake" but yeah...
A lady played my boobs as if they were drums. It's been that kinda night.
Btw I puked in your glovebox
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