i feel like after you turn 30 you aren't supposed to black out anymore
Ryan Ross and Jon Walker left panic at the disco today.
I predict a mass suicide of the 14 year old girl population...
so apparently telling her she could shit easier and therefore lose weight faster wasn't the best arguement for getting anal.
Just got an Edible Arrangement my parents sent me for my birthday. Time to marinate some fruit in vodka.
How does "I'm not drinking tonight" turn into body shots?
The last mom I slept with was the worst lay ever. Imagine fucking a hairy wet pillow for 60 minutes. Good luck with your milf. I was joking about the Susan Boyle comment btw.
She walked in on her brother jacking off and she hasn't been the same since. She's been crying and shaking non-stop. It's been two weeks.
I think you were giving a sex seminar on your kitchen table last night.
I'm putting you on my Emergency card so i can spend the last ounce of strength in my hospital bed to flip you off.
It's that time of night again when I start to think I'm really funny, but no one else is as drunk as I am so they all start avoiding me.
I have a hunch Mama J got around.
Am I allowed to say that about my own mom?
He called from a stranger phone to say. He was a t a liquior store and there was a long line they have no condoms. This is the guy i was gonna go on a date with
Atleast he is letting you know he will be late
just shotgunning some tallboys in the cooler, you?
HOW DO YOU GET RAISES EVERY TWO WEEKS?!
Long story short, I found someone who takes me seriously when I say I have a Shakespeare kink.
woke up, covered in gummy bears, with a note that said "the gummy army won"
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