$1.99 mimosas n bloodys til 3. Happy hour starts at 4. We're gonna ride the mechanical bull to kill the hour inbetween.
Please take video.
I woke up at 4am on the couch with half my clothes on. And by half my clothes I mean my earrings.
my facebook is like a giant collection of my one night stands
So at what point do I tell her that I like fucking these hot southern girls more than I like my relationship with her?
come over, blizzard of oz party. dress up.
As I was climbing out of the pool he slapped my ass and said 'stay golden', i don't know why but it felt right.
You're a college freshman. Its your job to be pathetic. And drunk. But mostly pathetic
Dude, she brought over peach cobbler, weed and alcohol plus I'm gonna get laid. She's by far the coolest sister you have.
Honestly the war on drugs is dumb and you can just sleep in my bed which is mega comfortable anytime you want. There I said it
So the dude who sold me my english book is the same guy who let me punch him in the face in exchange for a cig at a party a few weeks ago. small world huh ?
Lmfao. We asked what you wanted to eat and you said vagina. I don't care what kind. Fresh, barbecue, roasted on a camp fire. I just want it on my taste buds.
I spent the entire party sexting people's significant others for them because they were too drunk to do it themselves. I did quite well too. I should start a business
I just watched your sister pour half a bottle of cotton candy flavored snow cone syrup into a bottle of marshmallow flavored vodka, take a swig, frown, and pour a cherry coke in.
Just wait until she offers you a "powerita"
Bear grylls would be proud of my improvisation. Just used her vibrator to massage my back after hurting it at work.
It's magical, I'm just dancing. It's like prom but by myself and with less clothes.
Randomize
