you're drinking in the law library????
...not a bad idea....
probably not a good idea either.
So his roomate was eating breakfast when I was sneaking out. He's the guy I took home from jessicas wedding. I ended up eating coco puffs with him
Just another sign I need to get out of this town
jersey shore has given me a vivid depiction of what things will be like for me once i get to hell
I'm about to take my first shit since thursday. I'm scared. pray for me. If I don't make it, tell my family I love them.
Eric and I got kicked off of karaoke last night. Apparently, singing about masturbation to the tune of "A Whole New World" is not appropriate and definitely frowned upon by the DJ.
He told everyone he was freezing their keys so they couldn't drive drunk. When I opened the freezer this morning, my keys were at the bottom of an unfrozen ice cream tub of vodka.
There were gay boys and a jukebox. It was like god wanted me to.
I have to date her. We need a place to stay when we go tailgating.
According to this USDA thing I just read, I should either get upper respiratory issues or begin to bleed from my nose and mouth.
Making drunken Mac n cheese at 3 am I understand why witches constantly stir their cauldrons. Much more homogenized temperature and slim chance of boiling over. Good job witches.
That works. I won't care. I'll be a mermaid. Mermaids don't give a fuck.
Especially drunk mermaids.
Yeah. I asked if there was a finger in my ass at some point or if I had a weird dream. So far he hasn't responded
His constant posting of "inspirational" Taylor Swift quotes over the past 3 days has me a little worried. It's like, holy shit dude, you're almost 30.
You want further proof that God hates me? Okay. We're on the way to the ER. A homeless man stabbed me at the gas station.
TSA doesn’t allow handcuffs in carryon bags. Super fun they confiscated them in front of my boss and coworker.
Randomize
