You kept buying everyone Washington apple shots, and telling us we needed to support local produce.
Like... Chilling at home with a movie, hang out? Or have sexual intercourse in the backseat if his car, hang out?
had to go back to that apartment this morning to get my other boot. it was tacked to the wall
I sorta feel bad for the actual person in my fake id that got a drunk in public charge.
I said "have a good day officer and I'll see you friday when I get arrested for being too drunk.."
i can feel the knowledge leaking out of my brain
replace it with alcohol - nature abhors a vacuum
I'm at the hospital waiting for my sister to push out her kid. I think I'll roam the halls and shame all the teenage mothers.
Remember don't think of it as being an alcoholic until something bad happens.
Think of it as Mythbusters for people who say you're going to get arrested or die
Can you bring home bongs? Like all the bongs. I need bongs
You don't even know. The entire marching band thinks I'm an alcoholic.
I wish you could just Google "people I've had sex with" and they would all just come up
Swiping left on your brother's Tinder account is possibly the worst way to learn he broke up with his girlfriend.
His dick is a spiritual experience and meditation is very important to me.
She was drunk running in the middle of the street when a cop saw her,picked her up and dropped her off at her house. This really doesn't surprise me.
My head is bruised from having sex in the backseat of an explorer last night.
Randomize
