From behind she looks like Richard Simmons
How do I say to her "Have you eaten mango lately because my penis had an allergic reaction"
You gave him your vagina and this is what I get in return? This is bullshit!
Talk about awkward... Just went to dinner with my mother and realized I fucked our waiter the night before. She HAD to see the looks he was giving me!
my mom just asked me what a queef is. she needs to stop watching south park
aaaannd alcoholism beats pride. it's like grown-up rock, paper, scissors
Vegas is awesome. Its like you have a kentucky accent girls automatically assume you don't have herpes.
I think she just stepped in a piece of mac and cheese, picked it off the bottom of her foot and ate it.
And im sorry for wishing your girlfriend gets genital warts.
Just hooked up with the fireman who put out the quesadilla fiasco last tuesday.
My dad wants to dress like mitt Romney tomorrow night and tell trick or treaters they owe him candy.
The bottle of Jameson may have been a bit aggressive for a Sunday cookout.
wearing my old cheerleader outfit to the bar was a great way to get free drinks. i should do this more often
I'm like 89% sure I could get him to buy me a car in exchange for a half-assed handy.
I knew it was all downhill from there when the straight vodka I was drinking tasted like water.
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