you turned on the Care Bears movie at 5am and kept screaming "I CARE"
Ways to know you did something wrong: you sugar-coated it for your therapist.
Just wanted to let you know that I always win at "whose ex is crazier" because of you.
thanks for brining me home and putting me in my bed. the pillow fort your built around me is also appreciated.
I stayed up for hours making sure you didnt pass out in a mountain of your own puke. But when I heard you yell AWWWW FUUCCKK, somehow I knew everything would be ok
Just drunk tweeted NASA asking them to give me a lift home in one of their spaceships. Fingers crossed
i feel like this needs to be a 'lose some teeth' kind of weekend.
You just sat there and yelled "I JUST WANT TO RUB MY NIPPLES"
He's so drunk he thinks he's the ultimate warrior. Told cops he was from parts unknown. Never broke character
He said i got a new job lets blow this money he bought 4 bottles at the club he is now crying after seeing the reciept
Honestly it's a super power. I can try it a million different ways and nothing happens. Donnie casually says "ok this is now a toppless party" and it all kicks-off
Now I have to go back and sober fuck him. For science.
Is there any chance of you maybe wanting a bouncy house at your wedding. Like maybe a .0001 chance. If so I would totally chip in for that.
I just remembered something from last night. check your closet.
So apparently I fell asleep sitting on the toilet last night while my drunk girlfriend sang to me.
Randomize
