Dude, a dry wedding reception should nullify the vows, because really, without the booze, you might as well be 5 years old again and playing dress-up
talked to my RA about stamps and mailmen again. when do you think she'll realize that i only talk to her when i'm high?
I have shoes on. No pants. And my jacket pockets are full of ketchup and grass. Yes. Good night.
It's called penis withdraw. Or alcoholism. I get them confused these days.
Just had to return the shit I stole from the dining hall, with everyone watching...apparently there ARE consequences for being drunk, coked up and belligerent.
just used my nephews bottle to take my birth control
Last thing I remember is Dusty riding the bikes we "borrowed" from the hotel through the CVS while the rest of us picked up the girls who were laughing at him
Got a blowie from her in the cab on the way home. Made awkward eye contact with the cabbie who said, and I quote "Keep the mess in her mouth bro", I did so only out of respect
Send me the video of myself under the polar bear skin. It's important.
The good thing about having holes in your nose from all the drugs you do is that you can't smell nasty things. Like puke.
They need 20 oz Capri suns with liquor. Douches need to grow up with their clients
I feel like one thing if I have going for me is that my bed looks like a nice place to have sex
Side note: I just realized that I can make my hand warmers double as a heated push up bra.
you ever just feel like an organ is failing?
I think the highlight of my night is when I was eating a mayonnaise sandwich. drunk me was on point.
Randomize
